How well do you know the Metadata Bill?
The metadata that the Government will require Internet Service Providers to retain for two years is:
a) Sophisticated and cool stuff that only hipsters understand
b) The digital equivalent of an envelope, except you can hold it up to the light
c) Information showing exactly what websites you’ve visited, who you’ve emailed and
who emailed you, the purchases you’ve made, your Google searches, and where you were when you did all this. In the case of information about your location when using your phone, Google searches and the purchases you’ve made, metadata differs from content:
a) Because of the amount of content
b) Because of the quality of the content
c) In no substantive way
The former head of the CIA said that because of metadata:
a) We now have world class record keeping capabilities
b) We catch bad guys
c) People are killed
Internet Service Providers estimate the retention of metadata will cost:
a) $2.4 million
b) $4.8 million
c) $600 million
The cost of keeping your private information so you can be spied upon will be paid for by:
a) Senator George Brandis
b) The Benevolent Multinational Corporations Society of Anonymous Donors
Internet Service Providers say that it is most likely your private information will be stored:
a) In a vault owned by the Reserve Bank in Canberra
b) In a high security building in the Vatican monitored by a ninja troop of Swiss Guards
c) In a cloud system owned and operated by the Chinese
The security of your private browsing information can be guaranteed because:
a) The internet is easily managed and contained
b) Senator Brandis is a proud Attorney General who wouldn’t have it any other way
c) Well…it can’t be
Your private information will be accessible to:
a) Only the most trusted senior people in our security organisations acting with respect and restraint
b) Only a few of our most trusted Australians including Olivia Newton John, Ray Martin and Zoe, the nice lady from the Toyota commercials.
c) A huge array of organisations including anyone who can hack into and download it from the cloud.
When Senator Brandis was asked by Senator Ludlam if he would be prepared to reveal his own metadata for one week he:
a) Said he would comply with this because like all of us, he had nothing to hide and had to set a good example
b) Politely declined the offer
c) Was outraged the question was even asked.
Senator Brandis is likely to be remembered in the long term for banishing:
b) Irrational fears
c) Our privacy
Senator Leyonhjelm says that those who most need watching are:
a) The people
b) The Kardashians
How did you go?
If you answered c to all these questions, congratulations, you have figured it out. Welcome to our Brave New World.